


Please Hear Me Calling

by EmeraldTulip



Series: Oculus (I'm falling, falling, please hear me calling) [2]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fix-It of Sorts, Internal Conflict, Sequel, Temporary Amnesia, i cannot write Mick Rory i am so sorry, its past midnight so i apologize for any mistakes, really minor OCs that don't matter very much, temporary coma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 18:20:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7278751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldTulip/pseuds/EmeraldTulip
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the longest time, he’s trapped in limbo. Head spinning in the darkness, he tries to pull himself into the waking world, put it’s like trying to pull himself out of quicksand.</p><p>(Which, surprisingly, he hasn’t done yet. He’d thought he’d done pretty much everything possible, at this point.)</p><p>It’s a dreamless state, which he’s relieved by. He’s never liked dreams—or nightmares, typically—so to be left alone with his thoughts is rather liberating. After so long, though, it really grates on his nerves.</p><p>My team, he thinks, trying to break free. Sara. My team, Sara… Those words on repeat are the only things keeping him sane.</p><p>And, finally, his pitch black surroundings seem to get tired of chaining him up, and then he can finally feel again.</p><p>(Sequel to Falling, Falling)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Hear Me Calling

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, this took me way longer than I wanted it to! Anyway, if it isn't already clear, this is the sequel to Falling, Falling, but you can actually read it separately.
> 
> Also, I'm way behind on Arrow, so if I botched any of the timeline, oh, well. What does LoT care about timelines, anyway?
> 
> Oh, and pretend that Barry corrected the idiotic mistake he made in Flash 2x23. Normal life shall go on... well, as normal as it gets for him.
> 
> Enjoy, everyone!

For the longest time, he’s trapped in limbo. Head spinning in the darkness, he tries to pull himself into the waking world, but it’s like trying to pull himself out of quicksand.

(Which, surprisingly, he hasn’t done yet. He’d thought he’d done pretty much everything possible, at this point.)

It’s a dreamless state, which he’s relieved by. He’s never liked dreams—or nightmares, typically—so to be left alone with his thoughts is rather liberating. After so long, though, it really grates on his nerves.

 _My team,_ he thinks, trying to break free. _Sara. My team, Sara…_ Those words on repeat are the only things keeping him sane.

And, _finally_ , his pitch black surroundings seem to get tired of chaining him up, and then he can finally _feel_ again.

He notices the cold air on his face first, and then registers the fingertips absently tapping a pattern on his own hand, which is palm-down on some kind of hospital bed. Forcing his eyes open, he realizes he can’t quite see properly, everything is too blurry, but he definitely can make out a mop of wild blond hair.

“Sara?” he mumbles, mouth feeling as though it is stuffed with cotton. But she hears him, and the tapping stops.

He can’t see her face—she’s still blurry-looking—but her voice is joyful and relieved when she calls, “He’s awake!”

The realization that, even after all his time away from the waking world, he remembers exactly what her voice sounds like calms him like nothing else ever could. 

* * *

Fourteen months. He’s been gone _fourteen months_. Six aboard the Waverider, relatively speaking, three free-falling through time, and five in a coma.

Caitlin Snow explains his projected recovery time: he’s bed-bound for the moment, until in about seven weeks when he’ll become wheelchair-bound. Then, after about four months, he’ll be cleared to leave.

He hates it, and no one quite understands.

Mick is in Europe, for some reason no one seems to know (or won’t tell him, at least). The Rouges manage to get through the message, though, that Leonard is awake, and Mick sends his regards in his gruff, pyromaniac-y way. However, he can’t come back to Central City. 

Sara is slightly distant, and he despises every minute of it. He feels like something extremely important happened between them, but he can’t lock on to it. All Sara has asked him is _do you remember what happened right before you died?_ and since he can’t even remember actually _dying_ , even though he knows he did, he says no. Her face falls, but she nods and just says _okay_. Like it’s not important, though at the same time he knows it is.

Lisa is a whole other ordeal. His sister has no idea what he’s gone through. Talking to her for the first time after their long separation, she reveals that he hadn’t even told her that he was leaving. He can’t believe he can’t remember he hadn’t. It’s not only that, but to him, she seems… more mature. Older. In-control. He’s proud of her, but he’s angry at himself for missing it.

Team Flash knew he had joined the Waverider crew, astoundingly. Though, the only reason they knew he and Mick were gone was because one of Ray’s friends, one Oliver Queen/Green Arrow, told one Barry Allen/Flash who exactly was leaving.

And according to Team Flash, that evil speedster from another dimension (not the weirdest thing he’s seen or heard, to be fair) named Zoom is dead. (That’s good, because if he wasn’t, Leonard might be tempted to take his cold gun and put it to good use.)

After talking to the speedster in red, he realizes that his sister isn’t the only one who’s changed. Cisco seems more confident, nothing like the kid Leonard and Lisa had kidnapped so long ago. Caitlin Snow, too, seems battle-hardened, like she wouldn’t be opposed to putting up a fight if he tried to kidnap her again. And Barry… he’s sadder. Darker. Quieter.

Angrier.

No one will tell him why. 

* * *

For a while, it’s all just bits and pieces. There are many things that he can’t remember right away. And it’s so _frustrating_.

He remembers Sara, Mick, Lisa, and Team Flash fairly clearly. Some details lay hidden in the back of his mind, certain facts and ideas evade him, though nothing too important. Or so he’s told, at least.

He can bring to mind images of some people he thinks are his teammates, as well. Not much else other than images and names, though. He’s not sure why—it seems somewhat arbitrary—but he tries not to wish that he remembered the others he knows he can’t instead of them.

Speaking of which, he doesn’t remember very much about the rest of his team. Just that he would trust them with his life. That realization scares him, because he’s never felt this way before about _anyone_ , let alone people he can’t remember. Heck, he can’t remember their names, what they look like, or _anything_. All he knows is that he’d take a bullet for them, and he knows they’d do the same for him. He’d have thought that forgetting them would mean forgetting his trust, but no. That’s not how it works, apparently.

He distracts himself with the fact that he’s in S.T.A.R Labs—the only place with the proper equipment to treat his abnormal Oculus-induced coma—and that, technically speaking, he could steal some techno-gizmo something-or-other to make himself feel better.

He’s strangely hesitant to do so.

When he does (and gets out of bed after just two weeks of being awake, which everyone would yell at him for, if they knew) he just takes some seemingly long-abandoned prototype metal glove on Cisco’s worktable—and no one notices. So theoretically, Leonard could probably just go around stealing more stuff.

But he can’t. He feels guilty just for taking a stupid prototype, like he’s grown a stupid conscience. Stupid brain. Stupid feelings. Stupid. 

* * *

He tries to tell Sara what he did when she visits him about three weeks after he wakes up, but as she uncomfortably shrugs it off, he remembers that she isn’t really a talking-about-emotions kind of person. He’s okay with that, though. He knows her well enough—as far as he can remember—by now. But he needs to talk to _someone_ , and none of the others from his crew have dropped by yet (not in the whole three weeks).

So he talks to Barry.

And Barry’s a good listener. He hangs on to every word of the story Leonard says, about how he feels differently about stealing now.

“Would you feel bad about stealing from…” Barry seems to search his mind for a moment. “Well, I don’t really know. I don’t know any billionaires who I’m not friends with.” He pauses. “That sounds weird. Anyway, would you feel bad from stealing from some snobby, over-the-top billionaire?”

“No,” Leonard replies immediately.

“But you feel bad from stealing from Cisco,” Barry continues.

Frowning, Leonard makes a grudgingly agreeing noise.

“There, then,” Barry says simply.

Leonard looks at him quizzically. “What does that mean?”

“That I was right,” the speedster replies smugly, his new dark aura breaking, if only for a moment.

The self-confidence etched on Barry’s face annoys him, enough to reawaken just a touch of his old personality. “Care to elaborate, Scarlet?” he drawls.

Barry’s pleased expression falters slightly, though amusement at the ridiculous nickname seems to war with less-than-happy emotions on his face. “Oh. You don’t remember, I guess?”

He can only nod in response.

Barry sits back in his chair. “Well, before you left, I told you that you’ve got good in you.” He grins again, and suddenly, the anger Leonard sensed around the speedster earlier seems far away. “I guess I was right, huh?”

He can only nod. “I guess you were.” 

* * *

The city’s skyline looks different, he realizes when he looks out the window one day. Barry tells him that Zoom and his lieutenant, Black Siren, caused the collapse of tens of buildings around the city, including Mercury Labs.

Parts of the city suddenly drop down, and he knows that those spaces used to hold a building. Then, of course, are the even taller towers going up in some of those blank places.

So it’s not just the people who are different.

So much has changed, without him being there to see it.

The world has moved on without him. 

* * *

“You remember the future we saw, right?” he asks Sara one day, when she comes to visit him again (still, no one else has, which he finds weird even if he can’t remember all of them), around his fourth week stuck at S.T.A.R Labs.

“Well, which one?” she chuckles as she tilts her chair back, grinning slightly at him and a laughing look in her gaze.

He rolls his eyes. “Star City.”

The smile slides abruptly from her face. “Yeah. How could I forget?”

“Do you think…” he pauses and searches for the right words. “Do you think that may still happen?”

She sits in silence for a moment. “My sister is dead, and I can’t go back to save her without getting my dad killed. Oliver’s not in an especially good place right now, and Felicity’s having trouble with her company. The rest of the team is a bit… scattered. But, in that timeline, Ray wasn’t there, _I_ wasn’t there. We’re here now. I guess I’m trying to say that I don’t know.”

“So what does that mean?” is all he can ask.

Sara gives him a long blue gaze and squeezes his hand tightly before standing. “All I know is that time wants to happen.” 

* * *

Unfortunately, dreams start up around week five.

Nightmares, more accurately.

He’s still bed-bound for another two weeks or so, and with no visits besides Sara and Barry and checkups from the rest of Team Flash, he has way too much time to rest.

Before these moments of fitful sleep ( _lapses_ , he likes to call them, because they’re just that, just lapses in his mental defenses), he remembered nothing of his “death” or of what happened while immersed inside the time stream. But after…

After, it all starts coming back, and he really wishes it wouldn’t.

Because once again, he’s falling, falling, and there’s nothing to hold on to, nothing to grasp, and he can’t slow his descent. Images flash through his mind’s eye, and his brain feels like it might explode because he simply _cannot_ handle it.

He sees good things: his friends alive, talking, laughing. Living life and enjoying it.

But there are bad things, even worse than the good things are good: Sara being overwhelmed by a mass of soldiers, valiantly trying to hold them off until she’s caught off-guard. Mick going down in the midst of his own obsession—fire. The rest of his team screaming as the Waverider suddenly pitches forward, literally tearing itself to shreds. Barry lying on the concrete at the base of a Central City building, broken and bloody and unmoving with his cowl tossed aside. Lisa’s gold gun blast being somehow _redirected_ at her, and she looks down at the shard of gold piercing her stomach before collapsing.

It takes him a while to realize that he’s looking at other timelines, other possibilities—maybe even _his_ timeline’s future.

That thought negates any peacefulness he may have fostered in his days recovering.

* * *

Sara and Barry evidently notice his withdraw, and immediately start to try to help.

He doesn’t _want_ their help.

After remembering what he’s seen in the Oculus, he’s perfectly content with not remembering anything else ever. Who knows how many horrible things he’s seen that are just buried in the back of his mind?

He doesn’t know, but he’s very much okay with leaving them back there forever. 

* * *

“What do you remember?”

Leonard tries to want to pretend to be deaf, but he knows Barry knows better. So he doesn’t try and just shrugs. “It’s kinda hard to remember what I don’t remember, if you know what I mean.” He pauses, thinking for a satisfactory and at least partially-accurate response. “But… I remember _remembering_ , if that makes a difference.”

Barry considers this for a moment. “I guess it is. It’s a start, right?”

 _I’d rather never remember_ , Leonard thinks bitterly. He knows he’s being dramatic, but he’s admittedly deathly afraid that triggering just one memory might trigger them all. _I don’t need a start. I don’t need this pain in my life anymore._  

* * *

What he said isn’t a lie, though, he really does remember remembering. It’s flashes of a woman with hawk wings, a man and a boy fusing into one flaming creature. Flashes of cold metal beneath his fingers as overwhelming fear and self-preservation instinct are overruled by a consuming self-sacrifice. Something he can’t actually remember feeling.

Imagine his surprise when that very same man and that very same boy come to visit him.

It starts when Barry cheerful announces, “You have visitors!” and he wonders why the speedster says visitors, plural, since Sara is only one person.

Then, those two people he sees in his lapses are standing right there.

“Hey, Snart,” the boy says uncertainly.

“Hi,” he says cautiously. He knows he knows them, and Barry wouldn’t let them in if they weren’t friends—but it hits Leonard that he never actually _told_ Barry or Sara who exactly he remembered.

“It’s good to see you,” the boy continues.

Leonard internally groans. This could be a while.

The older man seems to notice the uncomfortable and unsure look in his eyes, and takes a step back.

“You don’t remember us,” the old… professor(?) says rather than asks.

He closes his eyes for a moment, searching his spotty memory for a recollection of these two. He has the feeling that they somehow go together, and that they never stray too far from each other, but he can’t remember much else. He sighs, blowing a frustrated puff of air from his mouth. He doesn’t want to remember it all, but he _does_ want to know who these two are. “No. I don’t. I’m sorry.”

The kid just smiles slightly and shakes his head. “It’s okay. They—” he waves a hand toward the door, and Leonard guesses he means Sara and the S.T.A.R. Labs team—“said you might not remember us.” He holds out his hand. “So let’s start over. My name’s Jax. Well, Jefferson Jackson. But you can call me Jax, most everyone does. This is G—”

“Martin Stein,” the older man interrupts Jax midway through speaking what he assumes is a nickname. “Professor.”

He shakes both of their hands. “At least I remembered that,” he says.

“Remembered what?”

“You’re a professor,” he replies. “I remembered that.”

Professor Stein seems pleasantly surprised. “That’s actually…”

“Really great, Leonard,” Jax finishes. “Sorry for not visiting you earlier, man. Firestorm had a lot to do on our first weeks back.”

He just smiles awkwardly and confusedly at them, feeling very sorry for them—not for himself. They’re the ones who want him to remember them, he knows he can’t let himself do that. 

* * *

“You knew,” is the first thing that comes out of his mouth when Sara walks in.

She frowns as she sits. “What did I know?”

“You knew I didn’t remember them. Professor Stein and Jax.”

“Oh.” She shrugs, fixing him with her blue gaze. “I had my suspicions. You weren’t acting like yourself. Or even like you ever _met_ them. They made you different, you know.”

“Why didn’t you help me remember them?” he demands. Because, sure, he doesn’t want to remember the horrible things that he knows have happened, but he wants to remember who he would be willing to _die_ for—who he _did_ die for.

She doesn’t answer for a moment, then she sighs. “Telling you this stuff won’t help you remember,” she says simply. “There’s no easy way to cure you, no quick memory jog. You have to heal yourself. I can’t help you with that.”

He sits back. “And if I don’t want to remember?”

She blinks at that. “Why wouldn’t you?” She almost looks hurt. “I know you can’t remember _us_. Why wouldn’t you want to remember that?"

“I remember the Oculus,” he mutters, looking down and playing with the blankets. “I mean, I remember what I saw when I was falling through the time stream. And… it’s not good.” He looks up again. “I’ve heard all the stories about what happened during our travels through time, _and_ who I used to be. I… I’m not sure I want to remember.”

Sara sits in silence for a long minute. Then, finally, she speaks. “I get it. It’s up to you. But, if it matters anyway… _I_ hope you’ll choose to remember. Your memories make you… _you_. And you… well, in the future, you won’t be you if you don’t remember yourself.” She stands. “Just remember, Leonard—time wants to happen.” 

* * *

Finally, _finally_ , he’s allowed to leave the bed and is promptly lead to a wheelchair. With all of S.T.A.R. Labs plus Sara watching him, he manages to take the few steps toward the chair, but then he stumbles and Cisco catches him, lowering him into the wheelchair.

He’s about to thank the engineer when he suddenly feels a sharp pain shoot through his head and he watches a scene unfold in his mind at incredible speed. He’s almost surprised he can process it.

Then he hates the fact that he _can_ process it.

He hates himself, too.

“Leonard?” Sara’s hand in his brings him back to the present, and he practically crushes her fingers as he hands on to her like a lifeline.

“I’m sorry, Cisco,” he manages.

Cisco frowns, confused. “For what?”

“For… for kidnapping you and freezing your brothers’ hands. For making you tell me who the Flash is.” He looks at Barry, who’s gone stiff even as Iris takes his hand. Seriously, how had he never asked himself how he’d known Barry was the Scarlet Speedster? From the stories, he wasn’t exactly in good speaking terms with them before he left.

Cisco coughs. “No, man, it’s okay. That… was a long time ago. Dante’s fine, you’re a good guy now…”

“I just don’t know how I could’ve done that, and how I could’ve possible forgotten,” he mutters, horrified. “Sorry for threatening to reveal your identity, Barry,” he adds quietly.

Barry unfreezes, grins weakly at Iris, and looks back to Leonard. “It’s fine. It’s only the secret everybody knows, right?”

Leonard laughs for the first time in weeks. 

* * *

Of course, everything goes right to hell right after.

Cisco gets a metahuman alert at a nearby hospital (“Seriously, a new one? Why another new one? Why do all of the universes hate us, Barry, why?”) while Lisa is there visiting both her brother and her maybe-possibly-boyfriend, and she decides to tag along.

Leonard is reluctant, but knowing that he’s stuck in a wheelchair, he can’t exactly stop her. Team Flash does let him sit in on their quick meeting, and when he decides he’s reasonably satisfied with the plan, he nods at Lisa—their signal for _go_.

Cisco manages to convince Barry to let him come with them—“Come on, you _know_ you’ll need my powers for this one!”—and then they finalize the plan to accommodate the engineer.

“Come back safe,” he mumbles to Lisa, trying not to let the others hear. He hasn’t changed _that_ much

“Don’t worry,” she replies with a tight smile. “These guys will take care of me.” Then they’re off.

 Leonard tries not to feel to shocked at the fact that Lisa evidently has had time to learn to trust Team Flash. Time he doesn’t remember.

* * *

“What’s happening?” is the first thing out of Sara’s mouth when she walks in to the Cortex, only to find Leonard, Caitlin, and Iris hunched over the monitors.

“Metahuman attack,” he replies tersely. “Barry, Cisco, and Lisa went.”

“Lisa?” Sara repeats, obviously surprised. “Your sister?”

“Yes, my sister,” he snaps, knowing he’s making her either feel hurt or angry but not caring in the slightest.

 _“Cait, where are the signatures coming from?”_ Barry yells into the mic. _“We can’t see them, and—ow!”_   He suddenly doubles over in pain, with no visible source.

“They’re invisible?” Sara guesses as Caitlin directs Iris over to the scanner.

“One of them is,” the reporter replies as she peers at the screen. “The thermal imaging shows she’s the one who’s scoring all the hits. The other one is just hiding.”

Caitlin relays that over the comms, eyes darting around the screen showing footage off of the camera on Barry’s suit. “Keep an eye out for the other one, we don’t know what she’s capable of.”

“Two girls this time, then?” Sara says as she slide into a chair, taking Leonard’s hand. “I mean, I know they’re villains, but girl power, am I right?” She says it with a light tone, but her eyes don’t change from their perpetually analytical look.

“It’s the girl on the other side I’m bothering watching,” Leonard retorts testily, though he doesn’t let go of her hand. “My sister.”

His sister has her Gold Gun out, and is trying to score a hit on the invisible girl. She’s shooting in all directions, but then something seems to catch her eye and she stops.

 _“There!”_ Lisa shouts, pointing up. There’s another girl crouched on the rooftop, dressed all in black and with dark blond hair hanging in her face. When Lisa shouts, the girl bolts across the roof, but Barry is faster and runs up to meet her.

 _“There’s nowhere to run!”_ Barry shouts at the meta.

 _“Except down,”_ she replies. Then she turns and jumps off the edge of the roof. Barry lets out a shout and rushes forward, and Cisco (uselessly) raises his hands, but it’s too late. Miraculously, the girl doesn’t go _splat_. Instead, she vanishes and then rematerializes on the sidewalk with a _pop_. She grabs what seems to be air, but then that air shimmers and shows the outline of a person.

That’s when it all goes wrong—or, at least, even worse than it is already going.

Lisa whips around and fires, a deadly sharp blast of gold hurtling through the air. The fully-visible girl holds up a hand and the gold stops mid-air, twisting and shaping itself into a lethal sharp weapon. Barry starts to run again, but the girl’s other hand goes up and Barry freezes in place.

 _“It’s some form of molecular manipulation, which would normally be awesome but is just plain scary now!”_ Cisco shouts.

Leonard’s hands tighten on the armrests of his wheelchair, telling himself that he can get up, he can run, he can make it there in time—but in truth, he’s never felt more helpless. Not even while falling through time.

Lisa tries to pull the trigger again but nothing emits from the blaster, and Leonard can see the way fear is creeping into her eyes, even through the grainy footage.

 _“I’m really sorry we have to do this,”_ the invisible girl says. Both girls turn and start to run, the telekinetic girl flinging a hand behind her. They disappear around the corner and Barry crumples to the floor, breathing harsh through the speakers. He twists as he falls, and the camera on his chest turns toward Lisa and Cisco. Cisco starts to turn to the speedster, but something seems to catch his eye.

It happens in an instant; Leonard’s eyes almost can’t track it. The gold blast hovering in the air suddenly reverses direction, flipping end over end.

It heads right at Lisa.

Cisco lets out a shout and his hands fly up as he turns, and what Leonard knows are vibrations shoot from his palms. The gold spike wobbles in the air, but doesn’t move from its path.

It plunges into Lisa’s side.

 _This_ is what he saw in the time stream. He saw this happen once already.

Caitlin shrieks and Sara gasps, her hand tightening in Leonard’s, as Lisa topples to the ground just as Barry had.

 _“Lisa!”_ Cisco shouts, dropping to his knees beside Lisa and Barry. _“Barry, Barry! Wake up!”_ When the speedster doesn’t stir, the engineer reaches forward and fumbles with Barry’s emblem for a moment before managing to pull it off. _“Iris!”_ he shouts to the camera, eyes wild. _“Iris, call your dad! Tell him there’s been a metahuman attack and that we have two injured—oh, and that one of the victims is the Flash!”_

“Oh, yeah, he’ll just _love_ that,” Iris mumbles distractedly as she whips out her phone.

Leonard suddenly realizes that he hasn’t moved. He’s barely _breathed_. And he’s still clutching Sara’s hand.

She looks at him now, eyes uncharacteristically fragile. “Leonard…”

That’s when he remembers: she knows what he’s feeling. She lost Laurel, her sister. And now he’s losing Lisa.

And even though there are big gaps in his memory that he can’t recall, and even though he knows he can’t remember a large number of things about what he’s done with Lisa, he knows that he’s always loved her, and he can’t lose her now. She’s his _sister_ , for God’s sake, and he didn’t free fall through time and find her again just to lose her. Sara may have lost Laurel, but he will _not_ lose Lisa.

Barry suddenly stirs, and Leonard relaxes, just slightly. Sara’s grip on his hand loosens a bit, as well. “Barry will get her to safety,” she tells him. “I know she’ll be okay.”

Leonard doesn’t miss the wistfulness in her voice. 

* * *

As soon as Barry makes it back to S.T.A.R Labs with Cisco and Lias in tow, he collapses. Fortunately, Caitlin quickly deduces that he’s just overly exhausted, with a few broken bones. And he’ll heal, given a little time.

 _Un_ fortunately, Lisa does _not_ have speed healing. And—Caitlin tries to say it gently, but Sara cuts it down to simplicity for him, which he appreciates—she’s dying.

“ _No_ ,” he growls, slamming a hand on the arm of his wheelchair. “No, I can’t lose her.” He glances at Sara, whose face is struggling to remain expressionless but her emotions are leaking through her eyes, then at Caitlin. “Please,” he says, the word feeling unfamiliar in his mouth. “Please, you _have_ to save my sister."

Caitlin stares at her feet for a moment before nodding slowly. “Alright. I’ll do my best.” 

* * *

Within the next day, while wheeling down the hall to check on Caitlin’s proceedings (only for the fifth time, shut up, Cisco), he overhears a couple of overlapping voices coming from Barry’s recovery room.

Deviating from his path, he presses his ear against the door. It’s difficult to make out, but he catches “side effects”, “mental trauma”, “injuries”, and “help him”. He instinctively knows that whoever is in there is talking about him.

To be honest, he’s sick of it.

He slams open the door without thinking. “I don’t need help.” They all whip around to face him, and Leonard takes in the scene.

Barry is sitting cross-legged at the end of his bed, Iris sitting in a chair next to him. Sara sits on another chair, a few feet away from  a bench with two vaguely familiar people seated on it.

“Ray,” he says, surprised. “Rip.”

Sara looks surprised. “You remember them?”

Leonard shrugs. “Not really. Just their names and faces.” He frowns at Ray. “Where’s Kendra?”

Ray gives him a puzzled look for a moment, then lets out a small _oh_. “I guess you don’t remember that. Uh, Carter…?”

Leonard thinks for a moment and then shakes his head. “Uh, no…?” he mocks the tone. He doesn’t remember anyone named Carter, leading him to believe he was rather inconsequential to him, at least.

“Her soulmate, ancient Egyptian hawk demigod… ring any bells?” Ray tries.

Leonard shrugs again. “Sorry.”

Ray shrugs, too. “Eh, doesn’t matter. Point is… well, she’s not with us.”

Leonard looks to the next man. “I take it you didn’t succeed, then, Rip? Did I die only for you to fail?”

Rip winces. “Yes. I failed. But, technically, you’re not dead, and we stopped Vandal Savage once and for all. So no, you didn’t die for nothing.”

“And why are you here, talking to the Flash and his girlfriend?” Leonard inquired.

“I called them, actually,” Barry pipes up. “Sara and I… well, we realized you didn’t remember a lot. And then Sara told me about a conversation you had about being afraid to remember…”

Leonard glares at Sara, who just smiles slightly and says, “I’m not sorry.”

“Anyway,” Iris says quickly, “We figured that we could bring the rest of the team in. Firestorm couldn’t make it—he’s taking over the Flash’s duties for the day, we told Kendra and Carter we wouldn’t contact them once they left, and Mick is off being Mick… but we managed to grab these two. We want to make remembering… less scary.”

“He’s super cool, by the way,” Barry says delightedly, pointing at Rip. “I mean, I’m no stranger to time travel, but that whole Time Master thing he has going on is _awesome_!”

“You are a child, I swear,” Iris teases.

Over the noise of their little exchange, Sara fixes him with a steady blue gaze. “Will you give it a shot?”

Leonard tries to play dumb, he really does. “What?”

Sara knows what he’s trying to do. “Remembering.” She sighs when he shrugs. “Leonard, you have to give it a shot. You aren’t being yourself right now. I know it, Barry knows it, your team knows it, even Lisa knows! She talked to me before that mission. And now she might die thinking you had gone back to being the cold, ice-hearted man she knew to be her brother before. They,” she gestures at Ray and Rip, who both look uncomfortable, “can help you remember.” She looks at him once more. “Please.” The word sounds unnatural coming out of her mouth, too. To him, at least. "It'll get better," she says. "It always does. I swear."

He tries to resist, like holding a tree during a hurricane, but then the winds—her gaze—finally sweeps him away. “Alright,” he relents. “I’ll do it.”

* * *

It gets better.

Martin and Jax come to visit every now and then, and Mick calls him the second he hears from the Rogues that Lisa is hurt.

It isn’t a particularly helpful conversation, in terms of regaining sanity, but it’s good to hear a familiar voice. And according to Mick, he has a package coming, though that's not the point. Ray, of all people, talks to the pyro for a few minutes before hanging up.

And speaking of Ray, the remembering has been getting easier, thanks to him and Rip. Rip convinces Leonard to bring back the bad memories first, which results in quite a few nightmares, but he does agree with the Captain that it was probably for the best to get it over with.

He remembers how he met Barry, and he has to apologize for it the second it comes back to him. Barry just waves it off with the now-routine “it’s fine, you’re different now.” Usually, such an easy dismissal of guilt would bother him, but he’s used to Barry being a literal ray of sunshine. He’s getting more and more accustomed to Team Flash as a whole, too.

Lisa is healing, as well. Thanks to Caitlin’s miracle working, and Cisco’s one in a million shot of vibrations that knocked the dart from its course to Lisa’s heart, Leonard’s little sister is okay. Actually, she’s out of bed within a week, which is still more than Leonard can say. He’s stuck in his wheelchair for a few more weeks.

So yeah, it’s getting better.

* * *

 

The mail that Mick mentioned appears a few days after the phone call. Barry speeds up, hands him a small box, says "here", and speeds off. Leonard chuckles slightly, then wheels over to a table and opens the box.

Inside is a gun.  _His_ gun. His  _cold gun_.

He hesitantly reaches for it, then wraps his fingers around the handle. It...

It feels like a severed limb has been reattached (and something tells me he knows firsthand what that feels like). It... just feels  _right_.

* * *

“Hey,” Sara says quietly, sitting down next to Leonard at the window. “I heard Lisa got out of here today.”

“She heals fast, for a normal person,” Leonard replies, lips twitching into a slight smile as he takes his cold gun and sets it aside.

“Oh, you’re not normal,” Sara chuckles. “Neither of you.” When he looks at her, exasperated, she just shrugs. “Come on, you’re Snarts! Criminals-turned-crimefighters!”

“I wouldn’t go that far…”

“Antiheroes, then,” Sara says. Then she makes a face. “You know I’ve been talking to Cisco too much when I start using his geek terms,” she laughs.

“You know I remember now, right?” he asks abruptly.

“What?”

Leonard shrugs. “You. And me. And you and me. ‘What the future holds’, right?”

She nods slowly. “Right.”

He looks over the skyline that is, slowly but surely, growing once more, becoming whole again.

The world moves on, and what was once there is rebuilt.

“‘Time wants to happen’,” he quotes. “And time got me this far. Right before I made you leave me at the Oculus,” he continues. “I remember that, too.” He turns to her and meets her eyes. “I still don’t remember everything… but I remember that. And I remember… I think I loved you.”

“I know I loved you.”

He smirks, leaning in. “I hope you still do.”

He kisses her—or she kisses him, neither of them are sure and it honestly doesn’t matter anymore.

He loves her. He doesn’t even need to remember to know. But the fact is, he _does_ remember, and it makes the moment that much more precious.

He loved her once and he loves her still. He’s never going to forget that, ever again. Even if he falls again. Even if he’s falling, falling. (The irony is not lost on him—he's falling for  _her_ , now.)

He loves her. He knows he does.

**Author's Note:**

> Blech. I couldn't find a good way to end this fic. So I made it come full circle with the first one.
> 
> Also, sorry for the significant lack of Mick. I tried so hard to put him in, but I simply can't write him! No worries, though, I'm practicing for next time.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Comments are, as always, welcome!


End file.
